Our straight talking Lancashire lass takes a sideways look at the daily news.
The year 2012 has kicked off to a strange start and it’s left me baffled. Fromfaux pas, mental breakdowns of the celebrity Twitterati, to iPhone riots and the most bizarre reason behind humanity’s fear of nuclear stuff – it’s all left me scratching my head, wondering what the hell is going on. And because it’s a Friday I’m going to elucidate further…
Why is Joey Essex wearing a large baby-grow?
Fads and fashions from the fringes often make it into the mainstream. For example, artists like Lady Gaga (and Madonna, obviously) helped usher SM influences into high street fashion. Nowadays it’s not unusual to see accessories that would have only been in a seedy fetish shop 10 years ago. But never in a million years did I ever think that nappy fetish would catch on as a trend.
The fetish for dressing in nappies and baby clothes was limited to a tiny subculture of perverts who were occasionally let loose on Eurotrash – until Joey Essex from TOWIE happened.
Poor, vacuous Joey. Unlike his fluorescent teeth he’s about as bright as a 10-Watt bulb. You can literally see the one ball bearing in his brain rattle around his head when he thinks about something.
Some mean bugger told him that adult baby-grows are Reem, and he immediately put one on and jumped off the fashion cliff like a happy lemming in a romper suit.
The thought of these adult baby clothes catching on as everyday wear is truly terrifying. I really don’t want this to happen.
Why is Sinaed O’Connor making a Twit out of herself on Twitter?
Sometimes it’s hard to remember just why I’m a fan of Sinaed O’Connor. She’s totally screwy and is currently washing her dirty laundry via the very public medium of Twitter and the Daily Mail.
I don’t want to know about her umpteenth marriage to some random drug counselor who she met after blogging that she wanted a husband. I don’t care, and nor am I surprised that they broke up 16 minutes into the marriage. And as sympathetic I am to people with mental health issues, I find Sinead’s ‘plea for a psychiatrist’ on Twitter a tad tedious.
Sinead then decided to give her ‘marriage’ another shot, shagged her husband (the only reason we know this is because she Tweeted regular updates during coitus), and then broke up. Again. But this time she wants sex toys.
She really needs to step slowly away from the computer.
In the meantime I’m going to unfollow her on Twitter and listen to her stunning version of ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’ to remind myself that despite the freaking crazy, she still remains one of my favourite singers in the world.
Why are people blaming James Bond for our fear of nuclear stuff?
Humans in general aren’t so keen on radioactive material. Because radioactive materials are to humans what Krypton is to superman.
But why the fear? Is it because it causes cancer and organ damage? Is it because exposure to radioactivity plays havoc with our DNA and results in dangerous, hideous mutations? Perhaps it’s because many people grew up in the 1980s under the very real threat of global nuclear war between the USA and the USSR? Could it be that the aftermath of Chernobyl accident in the Ukraine left us a bit nervous about rusty old nuclear power plants? What about the more recent Fukushima disaster in Japan?
No. According to Professor David Philips from the Royal Society of Chemistry it’s because of James Bond films.
I’m going to speak personally here. As a child of the CND movement (my parents used to take me on anti-nuclear marches when I was a kid) I view the nuclear power industry with absolute mistrust. They are not known for their honesty or transparency, but famed for secrecy, for their tendency to cause lethal pollution that sticks around for millions of years and for their ability to cover the whole thing up. It is an industry of profit, pollution and denial.
On the other hand I could be wrong. It could be because I’ve watched too many James Bond films.
Why do Apple products incite riots?
Remember the great IKEA Riot of 2005? Apparently the same thing has happened with iPhones.
Enthusiastic iPhone fans gathered to witness the launch of the iPhone 4S in Beijing, China. But the crowd soon swelled into unmanageable levels and the shop decided it couldn’t cope with the numbers, so it didn’t open. This caused an actual riot, with customers hurling eggs at employees and security hauling away trouble makers. You normally associate riots with political dissidence. But in this case it was because people were denied the opportunity to buy stuff.
Honestly, I’m despairing! If anyone has the answers to any of these questions please let me know. In the meantime, if you need me I’ll be at the bar…